Let’s start here.
Me: Gets called transphobic for having a preference for dicks.
Also me: Reads a lot of opinions from queer people about why preferences for dicks may be seen as transphobic.
Also also me: Goes to take a long ass shower to think about those opinions.
Still me: Has a preference for dicks. Still respects trans people and wants to help the cause and make the world a SAFE place for trans people. I also continue to use the gender pronouns that match their identities. I still don’t hate trans people and continue to call out ignorant cis people on transphobic bullshit. I will continue to read blogs and watch videos directly from people in the oppressed party and still get sad when I see articles and news stories about trans women being murdered.
Sad is an understatement.
Frail white people: Gets called racist 5.3 times, wants to abandon Black Lives Matter, says stupid shit like, “This is why nobody likes black people”, says REALLY stupid shit like, “This is why you n*ggers are getting shot by the police,” doubles back three times to say they aren’t racist.
Also frail white people: Gets into a debate about a black issue that has nothing to do with them. Says some alternative facts about Irish slavery. Says some alternative history about black people wanting to be white by bleaching their hair blonde and wearing weaves/wigs. Continues to demonstrate ignorance by melting into an incoherent blob of racial slurs and half-baked insults. Types 25.3 angry, very, very angry replies with more alternative white history. Gets schooled by “ignorant” black people. Gets “seed of black hate” watered by being made to feel inferior to more intelligent black people. Abandons Black Lives Matter.
I don’t know what that’s like.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS FUCKING LIKE.
And so what do I do? I listen. I read. I research. In safe places, I still my fingers. I offer my support. I ask questions in the most respectful way possible. I do more reading. I do more research. Why? Because when stories about transwomen being murdered in the streets keep coming across my timeline, I don’t say, “This is made up bullshit by people pushing an agenda.” I go, “Fuck. Another woman is dead.”
Another woman is dead. Another and another and another. Transwomen are dropping like flies but somehow, the roar of pissy cisgender people and their alternative facts and Bible quotes used to push transwomen into nonexistence are still being heard above the cries of the dead and dying.
My focusing on the white majority is not to negate the reality that people all over this country have been poisoned by the majority’s belief that people cannot be born into the wrong bodies, that God makes us all perfectly in his image, that God makes no mistakes. Maybe I still believe that God makes no mistakes when he creates people and that all of us were meant to be just the way we are. That is something I do believe, even as I stray away from the church and seek a world that does not condemn people for their identities.
Transwomen and transmen are people who should be accepted as such. They do not need cisgendered people’s tears unless we are crying for the men and women we have lost to the violence of transphobes.
I have plenty of hostility for the whiteness that oppresses my people and would expect no less from trans women and men who are treated as lesser by cispeople. Their anger is justified and real.
I think one of the things I’ve learned from the past few days is that we should all be steeping ourselves in other people’s anger and trying to understand why they are angry. During my efforts to be halfway social and become more of the person I wish to be, I added new friends to my Facebook page. This sounds totally radical, I know. How dare I make friends with people who are different from me! Anyways, adding these new friends has exposed me to the LGBTQ culture that I haven’t been a part of since I left the NYC area.
Places like NYC have a strong LGBTQ community, including trans people. I went to school up there so I already had friends on the inside of the community who regularly told me their own stories or brought up news stories that they’d found interesting and important. One of the best things anyone can do who claims to be an ally is to steep yourself in other people’s stories. Whether you get them from your Facebook friends, blogs, Youtubers, or the news, they have the power to make you a better person and open up worlds and issues to you that you may not have been aware of from living in your own private bubble.
So, some of the things I have deliberately exposed myself to are more people within the queer community. They are sharing stories about themselves and others that matter. To be honest, I sometimes dread going to check the blogs or Facebook profiles I follow because some of the things I see and read are horrible: death, depression, oppression, gender dysphoria, anger, sadness.
These have been some ramblings that tell how cis people should be working through their frail exteriors to let in the struggles of trans people. I have played witness to such open transphobia, which is continually leading to the deaths of so many transwomen. That shit isn’t right. The only way this can be fixed is by stomping on transphobia. I hope reading this will bring a greater understanding to you who wishes to be an ally. Your feelings are not more important than the lives of these suffering women. My feelings are not more important than the lives of these suffering women. Get uncomfortable.
More about people’s rights: